A Thank You Note to My Ex

Dear Heartbreaker -

I want to thank you ever so much for cheating on me and letting me catch you. It was an unforgettable experience, one that I will remember always. I mean that sincerely, I really do. It was absolutely the best thing you could have ever done for me. I didn't feel this way at first, as you will recall, but I do now.

You were my best friend, my lover, and my partner in life. We were friends for years before taking that final step into marriage. We had a fairytale wedding, with just our families in attendance, to wish us the best. You spent our wedding night playing foosball with my son - you were so much of a father to him. We added two more boys to our family in the following three years. Our love seemed so strong. We shared everything - our thoughts, our hopes, our wishes, our dreams. You knew my strengths and weaknesses and I thought that I knew yours. We spent sixteen years together in all - we were inseparable. I loved you, I cherished you, and I built a life around you and the children. The four of you became my world and you knew that. I trusted you. I would have done anything for you. I would have taken a bullet for you, gladly. I thought you were worth it.

I want to thank you for letting me learn that you were not worth it after all. I want to thank you for showing me in one of the most humiliating ways possible how little I meant to you. No, really. If perhaps you had actually come to me and told me that you were unhappy or had any reasonable explanation for your behavior I might have been able to understand. If you hadn't used my mother (and yours) to babysit our children for you when you went to meet your lover I might have tried to be more forgiving. If, once caught, you had shown any remorse or wanted to work on our marriage I might have mistakenly seen some sign of a decent human being in you. If you had actually moved out of our house instead of coming home smelling of her night after night for weeks, expecting me to act "normal",  I might have mistaken you as someone with a heart. Seeing any trace of the man I once loved and thought I knew would have made the inevitable even more difficult.

I guess what I owe you the biggest thanks for is my freedom. By being so absolutely, undeniably horrible to me you set me free without any regret or guilt. I initially missed what I thought we had shared, but eventually began to wonder how many of our great times were a lie. I don't miss them anymore. You freed me from all of your quirky needs. I don't have to fold your underwear inside out and roll it up just so. I don't have to cut your fingernails because you can't bring yourself to do it. I don't have to iron a fresh shirt every morning to keep it from being squished by the others in the closet.   I don't have to pick up everything and change seats in a restaurant so you can face the "right" way.  I'm not late for everything because you're not ready. I now have pets, something you forbade me to have. I didn't have to worry about you when you became unemployed several times in these past few years.  I can actually enjoy stories our boys tell me about the crazy woman who has been stalking you on and off for a couple of years now. (I am a little ashamed of this, but not much). I also don't have to care that you are now destroying yourself by not taking care of the diabetes that will slowly but surely claim your life due to your neglect. Thank you for setting me free from these things.

Your setting me free had an additional side benefit. My heart slowly healed. I was very wary, because of you, but I eventually met another man, one more suited to me than you ever were. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life, while you are still miserable, searching for happiness which you will most likely never find because there is none inside of you. My only regret now, where we are concerned, is the havoc you have caused in the lives of our children. You know they still love you. I only hope that one day you will actually deserve their love.

So, thank you very much for cheating on me and allowing me the freedom to enjoy my new life and all the happiness and fulfillment it continues to bring to me. So many good things have come my way since you released me.

Sincerely,

Your ex-wife